Let me say first how unbelievably lucky I feel to live in a country where I was able to spend the first year of my daughter’s life as her primary caretaker.
Because of that extraordinary benefit, I’m writing this post about going back to work after being home with my daughter for more than a year, not after a measly six or twelve (unpaid) weeks.
That is criminal, and, it seems, President Barack Obama agrees.
In Canada, going back to work after mat leave means you don’t have to juggle work with every-two-hour nighttime wakings and pumping in bathroom stalls. But it does mean that you’ve been out of the workforce for a considerable amount of time and going back can be a big adjustment.
After being back on the job for a few months, here’s what I’ve learned:
1. Routine is (almost) everything.
In my first few weeks back, I was utterly exhausted. I felt like I was failing at being a mom and failing at my job. It seemed impossible to get it all done. I was perpetually running late and I’d forget at least three things on a daily basis. An added challenge: I was at a brand new job, so I was learning the ropes.
My sanity is starting to return, thanks to routine. I figured out the best route to work and I don’t deviate. My husband and I have established our roles for morning and evening and we do them the same way every day. Day by day, we’re getting it down to a science.
2. Planning ahead is everything else.
The days of “What should we have for dinner tonight?” are gone. We make most meals on the weekend and freeze them. Or we prep dinner for the next day the night before. Also done the night before: choosing clothes for me and my daughter; washing my hair, prepping my breakfast smoothie, packing my purse and my daughter’s bag. And for the first time ever, my husband and I have a shared calendar.
3. Efficiency at work isn’t optional.
I used to take frequent breaks at work. I could afford to do a mid-morning coffee run or take a walk at lunchtime or read this ridiculous article about 50-Cent commenting on Beyoncé’s bad breath in its entirety. I’d just stay a bit later and make up the time. No biggie.
But when you need to get a child and yourself ready in the morning, commute for an hour each way, be there to pick them up at the end of the day before 6 pm or get charged $1 per minute of overtime, plus get home in ample time to make dinner and get your child bathed and in bed at a decent hour… there is just not a moment to waste.
I don’t want to know what will happen when homework is thrown into the mix. And I now know that single parents should have statues erected to them and get free lattes at all coffee shops and always be given seats on the subway.
4. Guilt is a given.
I figured part of me would feel the guilt of missing 40 hours or more of my daughter’s week. Yup. But I console myself that we’ve got it pretty good here in Canada with our extended maternity leave. And my daughter loves daycare, which leads me to my next point.
5. A great daycare makes all the difference.
Our daycare is awesome: it’s close to home, the ECEs are wonderful, the activities are fun and educational, and it’s catered by Real Food for Real Kids, so my daughter eats better than I do.
Not all parents are so lucky. I’ve talked to parents whose toddlers are given cookies and juice every day, whose infants have been put down for a nap with pillows and blankets in their crib, and I’ve visited home daycares that smell like cigarette smoke.
Knowing that my child is in a place she loves, with amazing staff, and ample outdoor play time and educational activities puts me at ease—and eases the aforementioned guilt a bit.
6. I still need “me” time.
It took me a while to confess this. At first, I wanted to spend every second that I wasn’t at work with my daughter. But never having a moment of time to myself wasn’t doing anyone any favours. For the record, Dad needs down time, too. The difference is that he’s never been ashamed to admit it!
Even if it’s just 30 minutes at night to do some yoga or take a walk (ha ha—who am I kidding? I’ll be spending those 30 minutes reading that 50-Cent/Beyoncé article and all 1,000 related comments), some down time to oneself or to talk to a friend or family member is pretty much an essential human need.
PHOTO: THOMAS HAWK/FLICKR CC
