A growing number of kids and parents are turning to Traditional Martial Arts as a confidence developing activity of choice. You may not be looking for your child to become the next ‘Karate Kid’, but don’t overlook the tremendous potential an activity like Karate or Judo has to unleash real confidence.
Where does confidence come from?
Confidence and self-esteem are terms that are often used interchangeably, but in spite of their similarities it is important to note the distinctions. Confidence is an appreciation of ourselves and our ability, and is something that comes from experience and proper reinforcement. Self esteem is the extent to which we appreciate and value ourselves.
Although boasting or grandstanding will never substitute for real confidence, it does take a certain amount of self-approval and self-regard to confidently meet life’s challenges.
The training within the training:
Martial Arts training, taught correctly, acts like a mirror through which a student may examine and correct themselves. What students see and how they learn to interpret their experiences within training, shapes a new outlook that can have surprisingly positive consequences.
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Passive students learn to be more assertive and to not feel guilty in telling others to back off or to say no.
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In a good school, all students are given equal priority in the class so students learn to value themselves as much as others.
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The movements and forms that are taught require the student to develop their reflective self examination in order to make improvements.
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Likewise performance can only be enhanced if a student learns to question and re-write their internal dialogue as new thresholds are broken.
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By working in a group and with a partner students lean not to focus so much on themselves, and are encouraged to focus on being a good coach for their partner.
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In a good class, no matter how tough things get, help is always only one raised hand away and students are encouraged to not be afraid to know their limits.
Real self-esteem and real confidence are built from encounters with real challenges. A quality program will help students learn that success is never permanent and failure is never fatal. If a student fails to overcome a challenge or under-performs a task, that is all they have done. In a good environment the student will be encouraged to regroup, reflect, and return to the task until it is mastered.
Once a student succeeds at something, or breezes through something that is easy, they should build on their success and seek out another level of challenge. In this way overall or long-term progress is made more important than short-term gain or loss, and self esteem can be built on a solid foundation of real accomplishment, not merely propped up by empty praise.
Confidence comes in cans, and can’ts:
The Martial Arts is an activity that one can start at any age and which can provide some very real and beneficial experiences in a world increasingly filled with virtual and questionable ones. Real confidence is built on a solid foundation of ones appreciation for as well as ones understanding of oneself. Finding out what you can do through encountering and facing real challenges is as important to confidences development as is the ability to encounter and face up to challenges that one cannot currently deal with. With the right teacher and a good school behind you, true self confidence can be within your reach.
Richard Verlaan is a martial arts instructor, writer, husband and father of two based in Toronto, Ontario. For over 23 years he has been coaching adults, kids and parents to be their best through the attitude, philosophy and physical training involved in martial arts. Annually he teaches well over 5000 students through his own school as well as through workshops and seminars at TDSB, TCDSB, and private schools. Know as an engaging teacher, he also works with adults at his studio as well as in his work in corporate training, and executive coaching. His studio website is www.yorkama.com. He can be reached by e-mail at strongyou@yorkama.com.
Image credit: Jessica Winkworth
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