Before I had children, renting seemed like a good idea, both financially and in terms of quality of life. As renters, my husband and I don’t spend weekends doing yardwork and our vacation fund is never depleted due to a last-minute roof repair.
The argument that buying a home is a long-term investment doesn’t entirely hold water here in Toronto, either. House prices are often more than 200 times monthly rent—the breaking point where some economic analysts say it’s smarter to rent than to buy.
Of course, there are downsides to renting: you can’t replace an energy-hogging appliance, rip out that awful bedroom carpeting, or even paint an accent wall without feeling like you’re throwing money down the drain.
And then there’s the fact that many landlords don’t want to rent to families.
I’ve discovered that the hard way.
Here are just a handful of the reactions I’ve received from potential landlords:
“I don’t think the apartment is suitable for children.”
“Sorry, we’ve already rented the unit.” (Reposted the next day.)
“I have three kids so I know how crazy they can be. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”
When I was expecting my first child but not yet showing, my husband and I beat out dozens of other couples to get an apartment, only to have the offer rescinded just before we signed the lease, when the landlord discovered I was pregnant. (Yup, he told us that was the reason.)
This isn’t just annoying and it isn’t just discriminitory—it is 100% illegal. Not only to advertise outright that kids are not welcome, but to hint at it in not-so-subtle ways is clearly prohibited according to policies set by the Ontario Human Rights Commission.
Here’s my universal response to all of this nonsense:
One Mom’s Open Letter to Anti-Family Landlords
Dear Anti-Family Landlord:
Before you rule out me and my family as tenants, consider the following:
1. Your subtle wording, isn’t. I know that you know it’s discriminatory to say outright that kids aren’t allowed. That’s why you say clever things in your posting, like “ideal for quiet couple” or “good size for two people” or “great for one or two mature adults”.
Subtext understood loud and clear: kids not welcome.
Also, fun tip: this is considered discrimination according to the Ontario Human Rights Commission.
2. My children go to bed by 8 pm. Every night, always. My husband and I would rather walk across broken glass than wake them up after this time, thus all is quiet on our homefront every single night at 8 pm sharp. Good luck finding a YSP (young single professional) with those credentials.
3. You know what two YPs do once they find a nice two- or three-bedroom apartment? They have kids.
5. Parents tend to be responsible. It sort of comes with the territory. We’re not going to trash your place (i.e. our family’s home) or have raging parties. And we’re fairly keen on, say, keeping a roof over our children’s heads, so we tend to pay our rent and pay it on time.
- a single dude who listened to Pink Floyd’s The Wall at full volume, on repeat, every Tuesday and Thursday evening
- a couple whose dog barked all day long five days a week
- a woman who vaccuumed at midnight
- 20-something dudes who had loud friends over several nights a week until the wee hours
- a young woman who (in violation of the building’s no-smoking policy) not only chain-smoked but burned open bowls of tobacco mixed with marijuana in her apartment like incense (yes, seriously)
I once lived on the same block as a guy who played the bagpipes. (The bagpipes!!) Do you intend to ask every potential tenant whether they play or are thinking about picking up the bagpipes? Maybe you should.
8. If you’re worried about mess, I have bad news for you. Some of the single people I know are the messiest people on the planet. The homes of many families may be unkempt, but actual cleanliness has more to do with the individual.
9. Is that a crib in your photo, or are you just messing with me? You are renting a 3-bedroom, 2-bathroom house right next to a playground, in a great school district and I can clearly see a crib and a living room full of toys in your posting photos, and yet you don’t want to rent to families? What is this sick game you are playing?
10. Please think less about what box we fit into and more about the people you are renting to. Don’t assume we are noisy, messy, etc. Meet us. Talk to us. See if we’re cool people who seem trustworthy and respectful.
In short, dear landlord, please see me and not just my family status, and be a decent human being.
Sincerely,
Fed-Up Mom, aka The Best Tenant You Never Had
Ultimately, we did find a family-friendly rental: a townhouse with a couple in the basement who probably didn’t love that my kids were up and eating breakfast above their bedroom at 6 am every day (weekends too!) or that “whoops, I dropped an entire bucket of marbles on the floor!” incident (marbles have since been banned in our house). But we all manage to get along.
Last year they had a baby of their own and we sustained their colicky evenings interrupting our Netflix binges—and we all lived to tell the tale. That’s city living. No one escapes the occasional annoyance with a neighbour.
Not-so-incidentally, our current landlord loves us and didn’t bat an eye when we had a second child shortly after moving in. She checks in regularly to be sure we’re happy and not thinking about leaving anytime soon. Bottom line: families can be great tenants, if you just give us a chance.
PHOTO: CHARLESTON’S THEDIGITAL/FLICKR CC
