I am sure we have all been discussing The Conflict, the new controversial novel by a French “Feminist” about mothering. It seems to be producing an Internet furore last seen when the “Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mom” came out.
I don’t want to get into the arguments about breastfeeding, co-sleeping / attachment parenting, and some other issues, as those have been discussed ad nauseum online and in print. (The research on breastfeeding is clear, and it should be encouraged in our health system as the alternatives are very clear and heavily promoted. Attachment parenting, however, is a theory.) But what troubled me more than these issues and the other issues being discussed, was the author’s definition of feminism, and her objectives for women.
Her thesis seems to be that raising children is a nuisance that gets in the way of us achieving equality in the workplace. Any pressure on mothers to spend more time with their children, should be ignored or removed, and women should get back to work, and make sure they earn as much money, and get as much power as men.
Is that really our objective? Is that what feminism is about?
Don’t get me wrong. I am someone who has always worked. I enjoy working. I could not be home full time. I want women to succeed probably more than the average person: I consider myself a feminist, in an age where the media seems to have turned this into a dirty word; I was also voted “mostly likely to own my own company employing only women” in high school. (Funny how that came true for Tracie and I… although we did recently hire a man!) I don’t believe women HAVE to stay home with their kids. But nor do I believe that our frame of reference should be that both parents have to be at work full time and outsourcing the “nuisance” of child rearing to someone else.
Is equality about us all playing the same role and trying to achieve positions of power? Or should it be about recognising and valuing the role that different members of the household might play? And allowing either member of the couple to play that role through better work-life balance initiatives for both parents? And if the mother does want to pursue her career, ensuring that there are no barriers to her advancement and equal pay for equal work?
I guess what’s sad to me is that feminism no longer has a rallying cause in the West. We can vote, drive, work, own property. We are protected in terms of physical and psychological harassment and abuse. (Mostly.) And now we are at the point where we don’t all agree on “what next.” I think we know we’re not quite there yet, but it seems some of us have a different vision of what “there” looks like.
