You hear a lot about how hard it is to have a baby or toddler. Oh, the sleepless nights! Oh, the terrible twos!
Yes, sleep deprivation is bad. (And I can say this with authority, since my baby was possibly the worst sleeper on the planet.) Yes, the tantrums are epic.
But not everything is as difficult as the baby blogs, parenting magazines, and products that do every darn thing for you would have you believe.
Here’s a short list of things I found to be easier than expected:
1. Defying the routine
Baby books and online “experts” hammer routine into your head with such force that you live in fear of ever disturbing your child’s nap. Each time that I raced home before naptime only to have my child fall asleep in a car seat or stroller two blocks from home, I felt like a failure.
But then something wonderful happened: I stopped reading the books and websites.
Here’s the truth: if you have a basic routine and are pretty consistent, you can disobey it sometimes without (m)any consequences. Your child will survive, you won’t ruin his or her sleep forever, and what’s more, it’s fun to do something different once in a while. Kids aren’t robots—they adapt.
2. Starting solid food
When babies start taking solids, parents start getting crazy. There are actually “cookbooks” for babies, whose recipes can be summed up as: assemble some fruits and vegetables. Puree them. Feed to baby.
Save yourself some money and just do that. Then, at some point before their first birthday, start giving them food to chew. Watch them so they don’t choke. It really is that easy. So where’s my book deal?
3. Transitioning to a toddler bed
There are a bazillion articles and five-step programs about this online. Plus an Elmo book. I don’t get it. Here’s how we transitioned my daughter to a toddler bed: we took down the crib, set up the toddler bed, and put her in it. Done. My friends had similar experiences with their toddlers. Most of the kids were completely psyched about sleeping in a new bed and couldn’t wait to try it out.
4. Prepping for daycare
As the end of my year-long mat leave drew closer, I began to worry about daycare. My daughter was a so-so napper who nursed to sleep. She also took two naps a day, but daycare only had one structured naptime.
Bloggers, friends, and strangers on parenting forums advised I prep her for this life change by weaning her off the boob at naptime, transitioning to one nap, etc.
In the end, it was summer and I was busy, so I didn’t do any of it. I just brought her to daycare on the appointed day and prayed for the best. And it all worked out. After a couple weeks, she started sleeping better at daycare than she ever had at home.
No matter what you do, daycare is going to be an adjustment. There’s no point in twisting your routine into a pretzel to “prepare” when everything is going to be different anyway. Your babe will be in a new place with no Mommy or Daddy, different sounds and smells, and no one to turn on the white noise machine to exactly 50 decibels and position Mr. Bunny just so.
So give yourself a break and just leave it to the daycare workers—it’s not their first rodeo.
5. Doing it “right”
I wanted everything to be perfect my daughter. I researched everything meticulously, from the healthiest pregnancy diet to best baby carriers for physical development. I did the tummy time and baby massage and read and sang to my newborn stocked up on organic onesies and all-natural diaper cream.
But now I believe that doing it “right” just means doing your best…within reason. Aiming for perfection is not helpful—for anyone. Just as kids have to be exposed to germs to strengthen their immune systems, they have to face some adversity to learn and grow—even as babies.
Overparenting by solving all my child’s problems for her and making sure she never has to deal with difficult situations won’t do her any good.
And since it’s not even possible to be perfect, why try? Imperfection is what makes life interesting. It’s what makes for great stories and lasting memories. And living by some set of “shoulds” is a recipe for nothing but anxiety.
Being a parent is hard enough. Let’s not sweat the easy stuff.
PHOTO: PAWEL LOJ/FLICKR CC
